#lildotdot's gender reveal.

Confession time. Prior to this post i have given much thought as to how i was gonna reveal baby's gender to you as, you know, baby gender reveal is kinda like a 'thing' now. But the more i thought about it, the more inclined i am towards the idea of keeping it simple and straight forward simply because the method in which the announcement is made does not determine the amount of love we have for baby. And...it's also because i had zero idea on how to do it the hipster way. Hahahaha.

And so we actually found out about baby's gender a month back. It was a surreal experience. We went for our check-up without expecting to find out about the gender because we know sometimes it takes a few more check-ups before the baby decides to show us the PP (private part). But for some strange reasons, #lildotdot was really open about it. Like, literally opening up to us. HAHA. So here it is! Baby's gender reveal:



...as you can tell from where the cursor was pointed at. Hahahaha. Yes, that's the bird-bird. So now you know what i meant by 'open'. And i think that's him putting his arms behind his head chilling while we invade his privacy. Lol. 

Look at that lil' round head and very peaceful-yet-cheeky chubby grin! Aaah. How is it humanly possible to fall in love with a black and white ultrasound image?! We can't wait to meet you in person, baby! Thank you for revealing your gender to daddy and mummy this soon because now mummy can do more intentional shopping. Hehe.

Bump update: Week 21


It was exceptionally hard to get outta bed this morning, i'm not sure if the 1st trimester fatigue is back, but i do feel i have less energy compared to the past few weeks. I hope this doesn't mark the end of my 'honeymoon' period – whatever that means. I must say that being a pregnant working person has its fair share of challenges. The world still runs as usual while you start to feel (and look) more and more like a whale with a human being growing inside of you. There are mornings i wake up feelin' so fresh, ready to take on the world. While there are some other mornings where i'd wake up feeling like a big bloated fish. But nevertheless, i'm grateful for the CNY break where i got to sleep in, spend time with friends and families, binge watch the final season of Narcos (to which i'm now waiting very impatiently for season 4 to be released), slot in evening walks at the park and even blog! It's been a good break. We're going for a detailed scan of baby next week and we can't wait to see how much baby has grown! 

Till then, happy chinese new year all!








The cutest dot ever. This is why we're calling baby #lildotdot for now (until baby has a real name lol) because it was literally a DOT when we first saw baby! 

The cutest dot ever. This is why we're calling baby #lildotdot for now (until baby has a real name lol) because it was literally a DOT when we first saw baby! 

In just a few blinks of an eye, i'm now half way through my pregnancy (week 20). The thought of journaling my pregnancy journey has always been at the back of my head, and as i was showering just it just suddenly dawned upon me that that thought will always remain where it is until i decide to sit my butt down on the chair, turn on my laptop and begin to write. Hence, this post!

A good memory has never really been gifted to me. Unlike my husband who can still remember his high school friends' house phone numbers (yes, house phone), i can barely remember anyone else's phone number other than my own family's....ok maybe just my parents' and Sung's. Sorry sisters, there's just too many of you, ya know? Hehe. People say preggers have really bad memory. I'm not sure if it's true, but i'll accept the myth as truth so that i can justify my inability to remember important stuff. Heh. And that gives me an extra reason to be extra disciplined in writing and jotting down the important events so that i can have some form of permanence of it. So, here goes.

The day we found out i was pregnant:

It was a usual Monday off-day for me and we were just chilling at home. For some strange reasons, a few days prior i was already feeling something strange happening in my body. It wasn't an obvious physical change on the outside, but rather an internal change that i was feeling. Don't ask me how i know what was going on in my body because i haven't got a clue - not until today. But i just had this 'sixth sense' (if that exists!) that my body wasn't its usual self. Something was happening, though i couldn't articulate it in words. It was almost the same feeling i felt like the night before i found out i had a cyst in my ovary. I just kept turning to Sung and said, "Dear, my body feels weird...i don't know what or why, but i just know it's not its normal self." The only difference was that at that time, it was a negative kinda instinct. But this time, it felt positive. My heart wasn't heavy; rather it was nervously and anxiously excited. 

After much thought, i decided to open up my final pack of pregnancy test (i had a few before that) and took it into the toilet with me for a test. Peeing on a stick is not as easy as some of you might think. To some, it's just...ya know, peeing on a stick. But to us women who have been getting ourselves ready (physically, mentally and emotionally) for a baby, it means hope. Every time you open a new pregnancy test, you open up your heart to feel either an intense joy or utter disappointment. That's why i had to think twice before opening up a new packet. A month after my surgery, my doctor told me that we could start trying for a baby. And so we did. I'm not sure how people define 'try' but to us, it meant letting things be and just go with the flow. Or in other words: no contraceptives. In that two months, whenever my period was delayed 1-2 days or whenever i sense something (very) slightly different in my body, i'd automatically go "OMG am i pregnant?!" In that two months, i have used a few pregnancy tests and they all came out negative. Thinking back, it was pretty funny how i'd try to convince myself that there was something wrong with the pregnancy test instead of me thinking too much, and how i'd google 'the likelihood of a home pregnancy test being faulty' only to find myself feeling even more disappointed than i already was because the likelihood of it showing a false result is rather low. Gotta be honest, there were times when i was an emotional wreck. The first thoughts that always came to mind after seeing a negative result: "what's wrong with me?" followed by "will i ever be a mom?". The struggle is real, so real. 

Back to the story! Sung was waiting on the bed scrolling his phone as i went into the toilet to pee on the stick (lol). I couldn't stand that anticipation of waiting for the result to show, so i left the test in the toilet, locked the door (don't ask me why i did that, people do silly things when they're nervous) and sat beside Sung on the bed. 

"OK, dear! The test is in the toilet. The box says we have to wait 5 minutes before the result can show."

"Ok darling. Let's wait 5 minutes then!"

*20 seconds later*

"Is it 5 minutes yet??"

"No dear, it's not even one minute yet. Let's watch this video together."

*2 minutes later*

"Ok, it has to be 5 minutes now!"

"Hahah no dear, wait awhile more. I'm just as nervous as you are!"

*Another 2 minutes later*


.....and off i went into the toilet. Took up the stick, and this was what i saw:


I showed it to Sung, and he asked me "What does it mean?!" Poor boy, i didn't tell him that double line means the test is positive. So there i was, smiling at him without answering his question. 

"Does that mean you're pregnant??"


And we gave each other a super tight hug; a hug made out of a little bit of shock, excitement, nervousness, joy, love and everything else in between. We didn't share with anyone until 2 days later when we had family dinner at my parents' place. We wanted our families to be the first to know about it!

Here's a very priceless video of how we broke the news to my family. 

They're the first people we told the good news to and their reaction is priceless. This video is very precious to us and #lildotdot!

What makes our pregnancy journey meaningful is the fact that we can share the journey with people who matter to us – family, close friends, leaders and various VIPs in our lives. Their support and love for our little family have been overwhelming and we can only thank God for this.

Besides that, i'm also very grateful to be having a smooth pregnancy thus far. I don't get morning sickness, but fatigue does get in my way pretty often – especially in my first trimester! It was so bad to the point where the moment i wake up in the morning, i'd feel as if i never slept and that i could go on sleeping for another 8 hours. With work and daily routines going on as usual, it is really tough to battle with unexplainable fatigue in the midst of getting things done. But i'm glad trimester 2 has been much better. More energy, less sleepy and i'm trynna get active by doing light pregnancy workouts at the gym 1-2 times a week, and take a stroll at the park whenever i can. That helped my big time with my occasional feet swelling due to water retention. I call em' elephant feet because they look like elephant feet and they make me feel like an elephant. LOL.

Oh, and we found out baby's gender a couple of weeks ago! Hehehe. We can't wait to share the news with you in my next post! Till then, feel free to drop any advice in the comment for this mummy-to-be! 

my sleep story.

I have many blind spots in my life, and one of is the ability to know when to rest.

For some strange reason i am able to trick myself into thinking that i'm a superhuman whose need to rest is non-existent and irrelevant. This was so until i got married.

They say once you're married, your spouse becomes your mirror which allows you to see the strengths and weaknesses you never knew you possessed – and that's what happened to me. When i was still single (unmarried), my concept of sleep and rest was that it is a necessary part of survival. i simply can't function the next day if i do not sleep today. Hence, i sleep. But ever since i got married, Sung has been my sleep police. It was tough at first because this police knows me way too well. He knows that his wife has serious rest dysfunctions. The irony is that i actually love sleeping. The problem was that i don't sleep when i get to; only when i have no choice but to sleep because i have no more energy left in me.

So my sleep police makes sure i stop doing nonsense before i sleep. Nonsense such as replying emails and texts that can be replied the next day and putting away my laptop so i don't get reminded of work. I must say that it was really annoying in the beginning because WHY IS MY HUSBAND CONTROLLING MY LIFE. I've been doing the same thing for the past 25 years and i'm fine (or so i thought).

But as i slowly readjusted my lifestyle and sleeping pattern, i began to realise how unhealthy they used to be. I started out by putting work aside after working hours, make sure i don't turn on my laptop when i'm home unless it's for leisure or urgent work. As i did that, i began to feel tired. Believe it or not, i actually do not know when i'm feeling tired. Sung can look at me and say, "Dear, you're tired." and i'd reply "What? No. I don't feel tired at all." And the conversation usually ends by me letting out an unexpected yawn and he'll give me the 'told you so' look. I'm really not sure if it's ego or i simply do not understand my own body. Whatever the reason, i'm glad i have my personal sleep police. This police has change my life like no other. 

The perks of sleeping earlier is to wake up fresh. Every morning without fail he would ask me "How's your sleep, dear?" and i'd tell him my sleep story be it: dreams/nightmares/drank too much water before sleeping and had to keep waking up to pee/he took too much of my blanket/aircond too cold/aircond too hot/he elbowed me in the eye and i hit him and said "OMG!!" and he could hardly remember the next morning (true story. he really elbowed me once, straight into my eye balls. thank God i still have sight today). If it's a bad sleep (aka the elbow incident or a nightmare), he'd express his holy discontentment and tells me i'll get a better sleep tonight. But if it's a good sleep (aka no midnight elbowing), he'd immediately burst out in a wide smile and say "I'm so so happy to hear that, dear." This made me realise that a well rested me doesn't just bless me, it blesses the people around me even more. A good sleep = fresher mind/spirit = better me. Now i strive to be well rested and have a good work-life-balance for him. Because if there's anyone who deserves to enjoy the best of me, it has to be my husband. 

The past 2 weeks were quite tiring for me with insufficient quality sleep. Knowing that, he planned a one-night getaway in the city where we put a night at a hotel and just had zero agenda besides eating and resting. He made the booking and texted me to inform me that a one-night getaway awaits us. It was a really sweet and pleasant surprise. When i asked him why the sudden getaway, he replied:

"I just want you to have a good rest. You deserve it."

So many points :') Here's some photos of our getaway.

My sleep police and i chilling by the pool.

My sleep police and i chilling by the pool.

Serious uncle sung catching up on world news.

Serious uncle sung catching up on world news.

my husband.

my husband.

Being in a new location really does help declutter one's mind. I took awhile to settle in. I had to keep reminding myself that this is rest and i must be present to take everything in; to enjoy every moment with my husband, myself and God. I'm now well rested and ready for the week! Writing this post makes me realise how much i miss blogging. The more pending posts i have in my mind to write, the stronger the urge to procrastinate. Ugh #humannature. Will try to fight that procrastination once more this week. 

Till then, take care my friends and thank you for reading. I'd love to know who you are, so do drop a comment to say 'hello' if you can! 

I'll be back ;)




my first surgery


Exactly a week ago i underwent my first ever surgery in my 26 years of life. It was daunting and scary to say the least. But before i get ahead of myself, it's only right that i give you a bit of background of what surgery it was and why i had to go through it.

More than a month ago, my period was delayed for almost 1.5 weeks – which is not completely unusual. I've had delayed periods before due to stress (especially during exams) but i'm not sure why this time i just felt that they delay could be more than just stress. I then did a pregnancy test which showed to be negative. A few days after taking the test, i suddenly realised there was a small lump on my right breast. This was unusual because it was never there before this. In all honesty, the first thought that came to my very human mind was "Could this be cancerous?" I then told Sung (my husband) about my latest discovery and we both agreed that i should see a gynaecologist to run further tests. We always believe that there's no harm checking because if it really is something that requires more attention, at least we have the upper hand of early detection. And if it's nothing to be worried about, at least we got ourselves the peace of mind – which to us, is far more precious than worrying ourselves away just because we don't wanna spend those few extra hundred bucks for a check-up. 

So that's what we did the following day! We went to a nearby women's clinic and the doctor did an ultrasound scan for me. He scanned my womb, my left ovary looked perfectly fine according to him, but when he moved the ultrasound scan towards my right ovary, we saw a strange dark circular patch located on my right ovary. The doctor zoomed in and did the scan in a few different angles and he explained to us that he found what appeared to be an ovarian cyst on my right ovary. The cyst was measured up to 7.5cm in width and about 4.5cm in length. 

I was lost for words. Not in a good way, but in a manner of disbelief and disappointment.

I visited the gynae to just check if i was really not pregnant, and to see if the lump on my breast was anything i should be worried about. Little or never did i expect to receive such a news.

Many people, including the doctor, comforted me by telling me that ovarian cysts are a very common thing amongst women. It just happens to random women for no particular reason. But knowing that you're diagnosed with a common 'disease' (for lack of a better medical word) does not in any way take away the worry, stress and anxiety that come with it. So many questions ran through my head at once:

"Why me?"
"Why a cyst?"
"Why 7.5cm?"
"How long has it been there?"
"Is there anything else in my body that's yet to be discovered?"
"Why can't my body be a normal healthy body?"
"Why is my body so weak?"

Not gonna lie. I cried. I cried a whole lot that day, from the moment the word 'cyst' came out from the doctor's mouth to the very moment i went to bed that night. I cried when i went for lunch, when i was munching my food, when i was in the shower, i could even be having a completely normal conversation with Sung in the car and i'd suddenly tear up for no reason. 

I was an emotional wreck. 

Sung just held me in his arms whenever he could, made sure i eat even though that was the last thing i felt like doing, and he would patiently and gently ask me...

"What's going through your head, dear?"

I couldn't utter a single word to explain to him why i was crying because....i didn't know for sure why i was crying in the first place. I just knew that i was sad. But i thank God for having him by my side the entire time. I can only imagine how tough it must have been for him, equally as shocked and sad as i was but he still had to make sure he's strong enough for me – his wife who's incapable of proper speech; only uncontrollable tearing.

I did a cancer marker test (CA-125) in the clinic on that very day, just to check if the cyst could by any chance be cancerous. The result only came out a week after. Thank God, the result showed that i was tested negative for any sign/risk of cancer. However, my doctor friend, Debbie, told us that even though the cancer marker test may be negative, it does not guarantee that the cyst has no potential to be cancerous. Sometimes the cyst could be what they call a 'borderline cyst'. Meaning it's not cancerous yet. But it has the potential to become cancerous given the 'right' environment/circumstances. 

So we were given the option to let the cyst just sit in there without doing anything to it because it wasn't giving me any sort of pain or discomfort. In fact, if i didn't get my body checked that day i wouldn't have known about the cyst until today. I thank God for all the unforeseen circumstances that led me to go for the checkup. Though the finding wasn't favourable, but i wouldn't have it any other way. But the risk of letting the cyst be is that it might twist or even burst – which would result in an immediate emergency surgery to get it removed. If the cyst bursts and is found to be cancerous, it will elevate a cancer stage from a stage two to stage three or four. That's how risky it was.

Another option was to surgically remove it through a laparoscopic surgery. It's a minimally invasive surgery, also known as a keyhole surgery, to have the cyst removed through three small incisions near by womb area. The risk is of course surgical risks. There are risks that come with every/any form of surgery, no matter how minimally invasive they are. There's a risk of me having to remove my right ovary or even my entire womb if things were to end up more complicated than expected. And then of course there's a risk of reoccurrence. Just because i've gotten it removed doesn't mean it's the last cyst i'll ever have.

We carefully thought through each option and considered all the risks, and we decided to go for the surgery. We don't wanna risk having the cyst twist itself or even burst. We'd rather have it removed then pray and believe that it will not reoccur. Even if it does, at least i'll be more experienced (and less emotional. hopefully. haha) and more familiarised with the procedures. By then i'd be like, "KEEP CALM AND REMOVE THE CYST." Kidding. Hoping i'll never go through it again. Lol.

So yes! We're finally down to the part of the surgery. 

My biggest fear wasn't the surgery itself, but the fact that i'll be under GA (general anaesthetics) freaked me out. BIG. TIME. The thought of losing my consciousness completely to a group of people i barely know, having to trust them with my life for that good 1.5 hours of surgery really worried me to the core. 

A week before my surgery i was having a conversation with Sung's sister, Ian Zing, and she recently just went for a surgery to remove her tonsils which required her to be fully under GA. I asked her:

"Didn't you feel scared?"

Of course i felt scared! But that’s when you realise how fragile life is, and at that point you really have no choice but to fully trust God that as you slowly lose control of your own life – He will take full control of it. Remember, your life is not in the hands of the doctor or nurses. Your life is in God’s hands.

That spoke to me so much. So profound yet such simple truths that i've failed to grasp. I'm putting so much faith in my doctor that i failed to realise that it is God who gives doctors the wisdom, understanding and skills to carry out whatever it is that they do. God; the Doctor of all doctors. The ultimate surgeon. The giver of life. 

With that, i felt so much more at peace. Fears were still present. They were still real. But what's more real to me was/is Him. 

my hospital tag. and in the words of Sung, "OMG babe! You have a permanent pass to Sunway Lagoon now!"

my hospital tag. and in the words of Sung, "OMG babe! You have a permanent pass to Sunway Lagoon now!"

this is the photo i sent to my family and friends upon checking in. i'm pretty sure nobody has looked this happy to be on a hospital bed before. i must have confused many nurses that day.

this is the photo i sent to my family and friends upon checking in. i'm pretty sure nobody has looked this happy to be on a hospital bed before. i must have confused many nurses that day.

They cleared my bowel (weirdest thing ever) and first time in my life i pooped with such ease. Thank God for all these medical tools. I wasn't allowed to eat nor drink from 8am onwards until after my surgery. 

12:50pm: I was wheeled off from my room to the floor where the operation will be held. The moment the nurses wheeled me away from Sung, i started tearing. I couldn't believe it was actually happening. I dreaded that moment so much, yet i was seriously looking forward to the very moment i get wheeled back into my room – knowing that the cyst has been removed and i'm all right now. Seeing me tear, Sung teared too. Two emotional fur balls walking towards the lift with two very comforting nurses who just smiled and nodded at us and told us everything is gonna be okay.

1pm: I was transferred to another bed. Nurses got my details checked again and again, made sure i knew what surgery it was gonna be and etc. Soon after, i was wheeled into a corner of the waiting room. It was just me staring at the ceiling. Complete silence. It was the best moment to sleep. And so i did. 

2pm: Got woken up by a nurse when she called my name. It was time. She then wheeled me into the operation theatre. It was the strangest feeling ever. I wasn't scared. If all goes according to what i've rehearsed in my mind, this should be the very moment where i freak out, cry the most and say my most desperate prayers. But to my surprise, i felt such sense of peace and courage. I smiled to the nurses and my anaesthetist, and was then transferred to yet another bed. The room was really cold, but thank God for this heated operation bed! It played a big part in calming my nerves. I got my IV drip on, blood pressure monitored, details checked yet again, and i was just waiting for the arrival of the doctor.

230pm: The doctor came into the room, he smiled and asked me how am i. He then said, "Ok! We're ready for the operation. You'll take a little nap now ya, Gladys. Just enjoy your short nap. I'll see you in a bit." It was a nap most unfamiliar to me. Never have i felt this nervous to sleep in my life. My anaesthetist put the GA gas mask on my nose and he said, "Ok Gladys, just breathe in and out. It's gonna be a short nap." 

And so i breathed... inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled, inha... 

I was out.

To be honest i'm a lil' disappointed because i didn't get to do they always do in movies. I was really hoping they'd ask me to count backwards from 100 to 0. "100, 99, 98, 97, 96..." Oh well. Another time. Hopefully never. Lol.

4:15pm: I woke up with a sharp sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I've never felt such sharp and cramping pain before. On a pain scale of 1-10, it was an 8. I was maximum dizzy and drowsy from the GA, and i wanted to shout so badly but i couldn't. A nurse saw that i was awake and he came to me, i could only utter one word to him "Pain....pain...." He just nodded and asked me to hang in there because they just administered the pain killers into my IV and it'll take awhile before it takes effect on my body. I was in the recovery room for almost 20 minutes – by far the most painful 20 minutes i've ever experienced (at least for now until labor pain takes over this award). 

4:35pm: Finally. The moment i've been looking forward to finally arrived. I was wheeled back into my room. I was greeted by familiar faces of friends Terry, Steph and Tabby – and soon after, Sung. Nothing is more comforting than to see the people you love when you're struggling with pain. Almost immediately, i felt less dizzy and drowsy. I guess that's what love does to you. It heals you faster than any pain killers can. 


Long story short (even though it's already very long), i'm back at home now, discharged from the hospital 2 days after the surgery and i'm on a 2-week medical leave to rest and recuperate at home. Rest has been great thus far. I've been resting well, sleeping well, eating well (hopefully not too well) and recovering well. I've been binge watching Masterchef US Season 8 (waiting for episode four), Masterchef Canada and Gordon Ramsay videos. And nope, i still can't cook. That's why i'm watching people cook food that i won't possibly cook in my life to make myself feel less sad about my limited culinary skills. By 'limited' i mean Shimramyun and fried eggs limited. 

I'll be seeing the doctor in a couple more days for my follow-up checkup where he'll reveal to me photos of my cyst and the lab report of it. 

Till then, i just wanna thank God for showing Himself so real and true to both Sung and i throughout this season. He is always present, though sometimes silent, yet i know so well in my heart that silence doesn't equate to absence. He blessed us with so many good and wise counsels, great support from family members, close friends and leaders who constantly checked up on us to ask how we are doing, constantly praying for/with us. We're also grateful to God for a successful operation, for putting the right doctors and nurses into our lives. The whole process of being admitted into the hospital, to the surgery itself, to the recovery process have been nothing but pleasant – and we're so thankful for that.

And i'm also extremely (x1000) thankful for my amazing husband. My constant supporter and strength from day one all the way till today. Someone who has so lovingly, patiently, gently and generously give of himself to me. Wouldn't have made it out victorious if it weren't for him by my side. He makes every challenge in life a little more bearable and purposeful.


I hope to write more since i'm gonna home bound for awhile more. So here's a hospital giraffe signing off,

no longer afraid of GA and no longer possessing the 24/7 Sunway Lagoon pass.

no longer afraid of GA and no longer possessing the 24/7 Sunway Lagoon pass.