In just a few blinks of an eye, i'm now half way through my pregnancy (week 20). The thought of journaling my pregnancy journey has always been at the back of my head, and as i was showering just it just suddenly dawned upon me that that thought will always remain where it is until i decide to sit my butt down on the chair, turn on my laptop and begin to write. Hence, this post!
A good memory has never really been gifted to me. Unlike my husband who can still remember his high school friends' house phone numbers (yes, house phone), i can barely remember anyone else's phone number other than my own family's....ok maybe just my parents' and Sung's. Sorry sisters, there's just too many of you, ya know? Hehe. People say preggers have really bad memory. I'm not sure if it's true, but i'll accept the myth as truth so that i can justify my inability to remember important stuff. Heh. And that gives me an extra reason to be extra disciplined in writing and jotting down the important events so that i can have some form of permanence of it. So, here goes.
The day we found out i was pregnant:
It was a usual Monday off-day for me and we were just chilling at home. For some strange reasons, a few days prior i was already feeling something strange happening in my body. It wasn't an obvious physical change on the outside, but rather an internal change that i was feeling. Don't ask me how i know what was going on in my body because i haven't got a clue - not until today. But i just had this 'sixth sense' (if that exists!) that my body wasn't its usual self. Something was happening, though i couldn't articulate it in words. It was almost the same feeling i felt like the night before i found out i had a cyst in my ovary. I just kept turning to Sung and said, "Dear, my body feels weird...i don't know what or why, but i just know it's not its normal self." The only difference was that at that time, it was a negative kinda instinct. But this time, it felt positive. My heart wasn't heavy; rather it was nervously and anxiously excited.
After much thought, i decided to open up my final pack of pregnancy test (i had a few before that) and took it into the toilet with me for a test. Peeing on a stick is not as easy as some of you might think. To some, it's just...ya know, peeing on a stick. But to us women who have been getting ourselves ready (physically, mentally and emotionally) for a baby, it means hope. Every time you open a new pregnancy test, you open up your heart to feel either an intense joy or utter disappointment. That's why i had to think twice before opening up a new packet. A month after my surgery, my doctor told me that we could start trying for a baby. And so we did. I'm not sure how people define 'try' but to us, it meant letting things be and just go with the flow. Or in other words: no contraceptives. In that two months, whenever my period was delayed 1-2 days or whenever i sense something (very) slightly different in my body, i'd automatically go "OMG am i pregnant?!" In that two months, i have used a few pregnancy tests and they all came out negative. Thinking back, it was pretty funny how i'd try to convince myself that there was something wrong with the pregnancy test instead of me thinking too much, and how i'd google 'the likelihood of a home pregnancy test being faulty' only to find myself feeling even more disappointed than i already was because the likelihood of it showing a false result is rather low. Gotta be honest, there were times when i was an emotional wreck. The first thoughts that always came to mind after seeing a negative result: "what's wrong with me?" followed by "will i ever be a mom?". The struggle is real, so real.
Back to the story! Sung was waiting on the bed scrolling his phone as i went into the toilet to pee on the stick (lol). I couldn't stand that anticipation of waiting for the result to show, so i left the test in the toilet, locked the door (don't ask me why i did that, people do silly things when they're nervous) and sat beside Sung on the bed.
"OK, dear! The test is in the toilet. The box says we have to wait 5 minutes before the result can show."
"Ok darling. Let's wait 5 minutes then!"
*20 seconds later*
"Is it 5 minutes yet??"
"No dear, it's not even one minute yet. Let's watch this video together."
*2 minutes later*
"Ok, it has to be 5 minutes now!"
"Hahah no dear, wait awhile more. I'm just as nervous as you are!"
*Another 2 minutes later*
"OK, I'M VERY SURE IT'S BEEN 5 MINUTES."
.....and off i went into the toilet. Took up the stick, and this was what i saw:
I showed it to Sung, and he asked me "What does it mean?!" Poor boy, i didn't tell him that double line means the test is positive. So there i was, smiling at him without answering his question.
"Does that mean you're pregnant??"
And we gave each other a super tight hug; a hug made out of a little bit of shock, excitement, nervousness, joy, love and everything else in between. We didn't share with anyone until 2 days later when we had family dinner at my parents' place. We wanted our families to be the first to know about it!
Here's a very priceless video of how we broke the news to my family.
What makes our pregnancy journey meaningful is the fact that we can share the journey with people who matter to us – family, close friends, leaders and various VIPs in our lives. Their support and love for our little family have been overwhelming and we can only thank God for this.
Besides that, i'm also very grateful to be having a smooth pregnancy thus far. I don't get morning sickness, but fatigue does get in my way pretty often – especially in my first trimester! It was so bad to the point where the moment i wake up in the morning, i'd feel as if i never slept and that i could go on sleeping for another 8 hours. With work and daily routines going on as usual, it is really tough to battle with unexplainable fatigue in the midst of getting things done. But i'm glad trimester 2 has been much better. More energy, less sleepy and i'm trynna get active by doing light pregnancy workouts at the gym 1-2 times a week, and take a stroll at the park whenever i can. That helped my big time with my occasional feet swelling due to water retention. I call em' elephant feet because they look like elephant feet and they make me feel like an elephant. LOL.
Oh, and we found out baby's gender a couple of weeks ago! Hehehe. We can't wait to share the news with you in my next post! Till then, feel free to drop any advice in the comment for this mummy-to-be!